


Evade, Omit, Align, Eclipse

by lavhonlim



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, No Spoilers, basically just setting up their relationship pre-TROS, it's just, pure fluff, soft hours for my beautiful boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-25 04:08:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22009765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavhonlim/pseuds/lavhonlim
Summary: The first time Poe tries to hug him, Finn jerks and pulls away.--Or: Three times Finn draws back, and one time he finally pushes forward.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 9
Kudos: 465





	Evade, Omit, Align, Eclipse

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at like 2 am as a little gift for my very lovely friend, and I figured I'd share it here.

i.

The first time Poe tries to hug him, Finn jerks and pulls away.

It’s instinctual, practically coded into his DNA after so many years of cold plastisteel and rigid formation training. Stormtroopers didn’t touch, didn’t even converse really. All he’s known of touching– hugs, hand holding, even brief brushes of the shoulder- it was all taught to him by the Resistance.

Finn isn’t big on touching, still. He doesn’t understand the way people just melt into each other, like they’re somehow more complete together than apart. Like their bodies were crafted to fit together. He can’t imagine his solid block of a body bending like that to accommodate anyone else, least of all Poe.

_Poe. ___

__Poe’s not like that. He’s the polar opposite, in fact, almost as though he has this compulsive need to be closer. He sits too close, gestures too widely, pushes in and in on Finn’s space until he can hardly catch his breath. When he’s around, it’s dizzying, it’s all Finn can think about. Poe, slapping him on the shoulder with that good-natured smile. Poe, wrapping a warm hand around his neck to straighten the back of his collar. It’s overwhelming._ _

__So when Poe opens his arms wide and moves so close that Finn can smell him, he takes a step back without thinking, hands pulled tight to his chest. Poe freezes, face drawn suddenly into concern, of course, and something else Finn can’t quite name. He drops his arms, almost makes to move closer before he catches himself and stays rooted where he is._ _

__“Whoa, buddy, you okay?” He speaks in a low tone, like he’s afraid to startle Finn. The way his eyebrows draw together with worry lights a lick of shame in Finn’s gut._ _

__“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” He breathes, lowering his hands from their defensive position a beat too late. “Fine, yeah. Just the General, uh, she wanted me…”_ _

__He looks away, not wanting to confront the evident worry across Poe’s face. He knows he’s fucked up, and worse, that Poe will blame himself, but he can’t find the words to explain how desperately out of control he feels whenever Poe gets too close. Like there’s suddenly no gravity, like his lungs won’t work._ _

__“Oh, okay.” Poe lifts his hands so slightly that Finn almost doesn’t catch it, then frowns and shoves them into his jacket pockets. “Yeah, okay. Then you should probably–” Finn nods._ _

__“I should probably just–”_ _

__“Go.” They say in unison._ _

__Finn leaves with his shoulders pulled up nearly to his ears, so buried in his own self-deprecating guilt that he misses entirely the way Poe shuffles his feet and stares hard at the ground for a moment too long._ _

__

__ii._ _

__It takes a long time for Finn to sink into something like comfort, and it’s almost exclusively around Rey and Poe. They’re the only ones allowed to lay their heads in his lap, or sneak up behind him, or huddle next to him for warmth. There are others, too, with smaller allowances. He high fives Snap whenever the General praises him, hugs Rose when she figures out how to rewire and jumpstart the oldest speeder he’s ever seen. It’s little things, and maybe no one else notices, but he feels like he’s starting to approach normal._ _

__Then Rose kisses him._ _

__He’s too embarrassed to admit it was his first when he recounts the story to Rey and Poe, but he speaks freely about the utter confusion. He hadn’t meant to give her the wrong impression. If he’s being honest, he’s not even sure what that impression would look like. Stormtroopers don’t flirt._ _

__When he looks up, Rey is watching him with her trademark calm. She gives him an encouraging smile, nods as if to say, go on, we’re listening._ _

__Poe isn’t on quite the same page. He’s bouncing his knee, eyes locked on a spot a good three feet from where Finn sits. When the conversation lulls for too long, he looks back up at Finn, drags a hand through his hair. Rey and Finn both turn to him expectantly, and he must take that as his cue to speak._ _

__“I don’t know, bud.” He says, eyes drifting again, knee pausing and then resuming with increased speed. “I didn’t really see the signs either. But she must’ve, or, I guess, you must’ve sent them.”_ _

__There’s another pause. This time Rey breaks the silence._ _

__“Did you want to kiss her?” She asks, voice soft._ _

__“I don’t know.” Finn admits. “I wasn’t really thinking abou-”_ _

__“Do you want to kiss her again?” Poe cuts in. When Finn looks to him in surprise, he lets out a slow breath and unwinds a little. His knee stills. “Would you kiss her again?”_ _

__Finn grapples with what to say. He’s been curious, of course, after so many years of repression. Sexual relationships were highly frowned upon in the Order, and highly uncommon. He’s never gotten the chance to experiment. Maybe it would be nice. Maybe something would click inside him and he’d finally become a part of this in that way that seems to come so naturally to everyone else._ _

__But when he thinks about her lips against his, something doesn’t feel right. It’s inexplicable, like a puzzle piece that seems perfect right until you try to lay it down and realize it doesn’t fit. And because he doesn’t understand yet what that feeling is, or even how to describe it, he just scrubs a hand over his face and sighs._ _

__“I don’t know.”_ _

__

__iii._ _

__Time passes, and Finn gets better. With everything, with everyone, he’s better. Strangers run up to him after each mission, flinging their arms around his neck and clapping him on the shoulder and squeezing him around the waist. And through all of it, he’s steady, almost never has to excuse himself to hunch behind a corner and catch his breath. It’s an improvement that everyone on base has noticed._ _

__But some things still set him off. When Poe reaches out as they’re walking side-by-side to intertwine their fingers, Finn curls his hand into a fist and walks just a little bit faster. Later that week, Poe stops by his room after-hours to drop off a book. His thumb brushes Finn’s wrist, an easy accident, but Finn nearly drops the book in his haste to pull away. Poe’s still standing there, hand outstretched, as he mutters his thanks and jabs the console to shut the door._ _

__Finn worries he’s regressing, even approaching the more violent tendencies of his upbringing. The visceral way he reacts to some triggers leaves him reeling and without explanation._ _

__That is, until he sees Poe backing some techie into a corner, sporting that signature smirk and bracing his forearm against the wall. Finn watches as he lifts his other hand to trace along her jaw, leans in to whisper something that makes her laugh. And all too suddenly, Finn has a name for what he’s feeling._ _

__It’s love- or, being realistic, maybe not exactly love, but something like it. The months of simultaneous adoration and fear, the way it feels like his breath leaves his body whenever Poe enters a room, the inexplicable shame he feels after every jerky, awkward interaction, the limitless comfort he finds in his presence anyhow. It’s messy, and tangled up in years of learned restraint, but it’s there. And he knows this, because right in this moment, watching Poe press himself against some low-level technician, all Finn feels is hot, molten, all-consuming jealousy._ _

__

__iv._ _

__Finn spends a night panicking about his realization, but by morning, he’s made up his mind. He values Poe’s friendship too much to ruin things with his own inadequacies. And anyhow, Poe’s obviously… otherwise engaged. So it would only hurt everyone to let it show._ _

__Instead, he gets really good at hiding it. He’s hyper-aware of Poe’s every movement, careful of what touch he initiates and his own reactions. If Poe reaches out to brush some dust from Finn’s jacket, he steels his expression into forced gratitude, stills his shaking hands by forming fists at his side. With each acceptance of Poe’s touch, their relationship tilts back toward the normal, easy comfort they felt during their first months together. Poe relaxes around him a little more, doesn’t jitter so much. And despite the way his gut twists every time, his heart thundering in his chest whenever Poe gets a little too close, Finn thinks it could be worth it._ _

__It lasts a long while, this sacrificial equilibrium, but it doesn’t last forever._ _

__Poe’s slamming his palm against the durasteel wall, cursing some mechanical malfunction that Finn doesn’t care to understand. They’re on hour twenty six of this god-forsaken mission, and their bodies are running entirely on caf and an overwhelming desire to get the hell off this fucking backwater planet. Poe slides further under the control panel, his legs poking out at what must be an uncomfortable angle._ _

__“Jesus, where the hell is Chewie?” He barks, sliding back out to face Finn._ _

__“He already went to bed, citing some old Republic labor law. I don’t know about you, but I’m not volunteering to wake him up.” Finn’s exhausted, and he wants this fixed as much as anyone else, but there aren’t enough credits in the galaxy to persuade him to wake a Wookie._ _

__Poe huffs. “What about 3PO?”_ _

__“Being repaired.”_ _

__“R2?”_ _

__“Executing repairs.”_ _

__Poe practically growls, and typically Finn wouldn’t much mind it, but this close to the end of his rope, his self control is slipping. He tries to focus on even breaths as Poe digs around the mess of tools and wires beside them, pulling a wrench from the pile. “And what about the karking, uh, fuck, the slug- what’s his name?” Finn shakes his head, preoccupied with the way he’s swinging the wrench dangerously wide as he rants, his fingers curled tight around the handle. “The slug, Chewie’s friend, where the fuck is he?”_ _

__Finn’s eyes are still trained on the wrench, only lifting to meet Poe’s gaze once he’s sure it’s safe. “What?”_ _

__“Christ, Finn, do you even want to help?” He sighs, disappointed, and Finn’s concocting some placating response when he’s suddenly very distracted by Poe shoving the wrench between his teeth. He closes his eyes as Poe slips back down under the control panel, using any energy he has left to fucking keep it together, you idiot._ _

__He’s still willing himself to push away the image of Poe, sweat-soaked and furious, when there’s a loud bang and a whirring noise. From beneath the panel, Poe gives a victorious, if muffled, shout, and then he’s sliding out to stand and flip various levers and switches. Finn stands to meet him, all guilt-inducing thoughts forgotten as the Falcon hums to life._ _

__“Stars, I can’t believe you did it.” He breathes, overjoyed. They’ve spent far too long on this rainy, isolated moon. Poe laughs, brash and cocky as ever, his uncharacteristic frustration entirely blown over by childish excitement. He flips one last switch, apparently the final test, and when the communications flicker on, he spins and knocks Finn backwards with a crushing hug._ _

__This is normal, of course. Finn _knows _this is normal- he’s worked hard to ensure it. There’s no reason for this hug to be any different from all the others across the months that Finn has spent burying his feelings. But whether it’s because he’s dead tired, or because they’ve just completed an impossible repair, or because of the way Poe seems to linger in his arms, this one feels different. And when Poe starts to pull away, hesitant even now to embrace the way Finn knows he wants to, Finn keeps his hands twined tight, resting at the small of Poe’s back.__ __

__

__

____For a beat, their eyes meet, and Finn has to clench his jaw to keep a million stupid things from tumbling out. Poe looks at him with those big eyes, clearly confused, yet more clearly pleased, and Finn wants desperately to explain everything. But even now, even when he wants to, he can’t really find the words, so instead he does something infinitely more idiotic._ _ _ _

____Poe’s lips are warm against his, if a little chapped. He moves without question, melting against Finn almost instantly. They lean into each other, bending in a way that Finn once swore he’d never understand. It’s fluid, and natural, and so right it makes him a little giddy._ _ _ _

____They break apart, eventually, if only to breathe. Finn opens his mouth, caught somewhere between “oh fuck” and “I’m so sorry”, but the apology dies on his tongue._ _ _ _

____Poe’s smiling, really smiling, in that bright and beautiful way that he reserves only for the best moments. Finn’s only seen it himself a number of times._ _ _ _

____“Man, I cannot tell you how long I’ve been wanting to do that.” He says, pulling Finn in for another chaste kiss._ _ _ _

____“Mm- really? But I thought you-”_ _ _ _

____“Sleep around?” Finn nods, more than a little caught off guard by his bluntness. Poe only laughs. “Well, I couldn’t wait around for you forever. And the way you got all jumpy, sometimes, made me think I was making you uncomfortable.”_ _ _ _

____Finn’s sleep-deprived brain is making little sense of this, much more interested in the little circles Poe is tracing with his thumbs along his collar bone._ _ _ _

____“Oh.”_ _ _ _

____“I’m not, am I?” Poe adds, leaning to catch Finn’s drifting gaze._ _ _ _

____“Hm?”_ _ _ _

____“Making you uncomfortable.”_ _ _ _

____Finn huffs a surprised laugh, angles down to press his lips to the corner of Poe’s mouth. “If I remember correctly, it was me who kissed you.”_ _ _ _

____“That may be the truth, but we’ll have to work on that story when we get back to base.” Poe pulls back just enough to lock eyes, expression suddenly serious. “It doesn’t really fit my image, you see.”_ _ _ _

____“Your image?”_ _ _ _

____“Yes, my image.” Finns shakes his head, amused, and leans in for another kiss, but Poe leans back out of reach. “I’m serious. My reputation is on the line, here.”_ _ _ _

____Finn thinks, of everything he’s done- leaving the Order, joining the Resistance, going on missions- nothing has required quite so much reckless bravery as standing here with Poe Dameron’s hands pressed flat against his chest. He marvels at the sheer honesty of the moment, the weight of self-denial completely lifted. He’s never felt so free._ _ _ _

____“Then my only advice is to fix the story yourself.” He says solemnly, then bends low to nip at Poe’s earlobe and murmur, “Come and get me.”_ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> I have a [tumblr](https://arcan-i-help-u.tumblr.com/)!


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